The World is Waiting

It has long been said that growth only happens when we reach the edge of our comfort zone. In educational psychology there is a principle, known as the zone of proximal development. It which represents the edge of our existing knowledge or abilities. It is the place where we are challenged just enough to be able to incorporate new information into our existing knowledge base, but only with support and effort.

This raises questions for me about those days when I am having trouble leaving the house due to anxiety, I fret over potential interactions with others and the uncertainties of life. I can find myself incapable of decision and unable to muster the courage or energy to take on the world. It makes me wonder if I am getting too comfortable in my little world, with my dog, and my couch, and my air conditioning, and my snacks. I’ve got a lot to be grateful for, but it should add to my life, not cripple it.

If discomfort and uncertainty are touchstones of growth, what does it say about me that I have anxiety over simply leaving the house to walk to the store? Am I so comfortable in my life and routine that simply running daily errands represents a legitimate challenge? Have I stopped developing as a person, or is there something more going on here?

I have been told by a credible clinician that I meet all of the diagnostic criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder. A second opinion yielded the result of Social (Pragmatic) Communication Disorder. The Veteran’s Administration says I have PTSD. Sometimes I think they’re right, and sometimes I think I need to just stop thinking so much.

If I were a child, I would tell myself that there is a whole, big world out there waiting to be explored and I should go out and see it. Because I am an adult, I say that I’ve worked hard and earned some rest and the store can wait until tomorrow. But the circumstances are exactly the same. So which is right?

Am I being lazy? Am I letting fear control my life? Or is the down time well-deserved? I have no idea, honestly. But I know I need milk and nobody is going to bring it to me.

So I’ve got to get up, put my shoes on, and face the uncertainty that comes with every step and every breath I take each day.

The world is out there waiting.