Dare to Try! (No More Living in Fear)

Life is made up of stories. They give us meaning and purpose. They help us frame ourselves within the context of our society. They help us make sense of life and even help us determine what is important and what can wait. They achieve this by providing a framework for prioritization towards a goal by helping us determine what will move us closer to that goal and what will hinder our progress or send us in the wrong direction. We tell ourselves stories about our childhood, our marriage, our career, our finances, and the meaning of life. But they are not always so helpful.

More often than most will admit, the stories we tell ourselves are of limitations, obstacles, divisions, and failures. These stories tell us what is impossible rather than what is possible and they become prisons as a result.

It is an unfortunate fact that, regardless of the objective events that actually occur “out there” in the world around, the stories we tell ourselves about them and their significance are always true. As Henry Ford famously said “Whether you think you can, or you can’t, you are usually right.” Our stories shape our perceptions and, at least psychologically speaking, perception IS reality.

When baby elephants are being trained they are chained to a single spot in their cage. No matter how hard they fight they can not move from that spot. Eventually they learn that there is nothing they can do to move from that spot and they eventually stop trying. When these elephants get older, having learned the inescapability of their situation in their youth, a simple rope tied around their leg and attached to a chair is enough to prevent them from walking away. The elephant has no idea that it could simply walk away if it wanted because it has learned a story of helplessness. Its story, not its chains, are keeping it locked in place.

How many times have I been so certain a thing couldn’t be done, especially not by me, that I dared not even try? How many times have I given up on a good idea, and myself, because I dared not trust my abilities enough to try for something more? “Not zero” is the unfortunate answer. What a waste of a perfectly good opportunity it is to not even try!

As I look back on all of the lessons I could have learned, the experiences I could have had, and the people I could have met had I but dared to make the effort, I wonder how much more capable and confident I could be today. How much knowledge and experience might I have gained as the result of the knowledge that there are things I can do that seemed unlikely, and things I can’t that didn’t kill me?

Going into something, knowing that failure is an option, builds courage. Failing and trying again builds resilience and grit. The lack of a desired outcome inspires creative problem solving and accountability for efforts made (or not) during the sustained pursuit of a specified goal.

I believe a large part of finding purpose and meaning in life lies in confronting and overcoming weaknesses and growing into the best possible version of myself as the result. Avoiding the difficult or painful work of personal development doesn’t keep me safe, it keeps me weak and leaves me helpless. I’ve had enough of that for one lifetime. I’m leaning into the discomfort and challenge of opportunity from now on. Easy to say, harder to do.

When I take my final breath and look back over my life, I want it to be the story of one who overcame, who dared, who persisted in the face of difficulty, and shared those hard won lessons with others. But that, too, is a story I tell myself. Like every other it provides a framework within which I can prioritize and act upon those things which further the narrative. In the meantime, I’ll be living a hell of a good life!